Paul’s Place Omelettery

2211 Granville Street, just south of the bridge.

I have been living in the Fairview neighbourhood for more than 4 years now, and I have wandered past Paul's a multitude of times; I had yet to breach the doorway until just this morning (April 6, 2011). All these years I lamented missing out on one of the neighbourhood's gems not for want of desire, rather out of pure absence of thought - also, I seldom eat breakfast out.



So, why today? Well, I was returning home with my son and just happened to be driving by with my stomach growling.


"Ooh!" I thought out loud to my non-verbal 5 month-old, "I finally get to try Paul's!"

I pulled up and rolled in jauntily, eager for this long-awaited new experience, and was pleased to find no queue before me.
We were promptly seated and coffee came around in relatively short order (I actually had time to read the entire menu and decide on my breakfast prior to receiving my cup o' joe, but I've become accustomed to slow coffee service in Vancouver's breakfast/brunch joints - a shitty trend to grow accustomed to, but nonetheless it is how things are at many of Vancouver's crappy breakfast joints). It was then that I simply should have gotten up and left. There was lipstick on the rim of my coffee cup, a sure sign that quality control is at a minimum. 
But hey, I really was quite hungry, and I can forgive them this one oversight, can't I?


I did.


That was foolish.


I have had better coffee at truck stops; but, this place didn't claim to be a café, did it.

It's an Omelettery!
It ought to be judged on its fucking omelettes, no?
So it shall.

I ordered the Florentine Omelette - a simple affair that cannot easily be messed up by "Vancouver's Best Omelette" chefs (a quote from Jurgen Gothe - formerly of CBC Radio - that I can only assume was from a time long passed).

Boy was I mistaken.
This is hands down the worst omelette I have ever eaten; well, the worst bite of an omelette - I could eat no more than the single bite I choked down. 

I sliced into it with my fork and water from the frozen spinach and mushrooms - clearly thrown in the omelette raw - drowned the miniscule portion of badly burned pan fries scattered next to the omelette.


Disgusting.

I figured I may as well hazard a taste test - I wasn't thinking too clearly - and was blown away by an absolute lack of any discernible flavour.
Had the kitchen run out of salt? They must have run out of salt.
Pepper too? Surely they must have; why else would one serve a dish without any seasoning whatsoever.


Well, given that there was salt and pepper on the table, I imagine the kitchen could have rustled some up had they desired to use it.

It suddenly became clear that this kitchen just didn't know - or didn't care about - what they were doing. Granted, the form of the omelette was lovely. The egg was cooked and it was rolled nicely. But it may as well have been microwaved; hell, it could have been microwaved for all I know, there were certainly no signs of it having ever been near a flame.

I pushed my plate away from me to the other side of the table. 

Roughly ten minutes later a server came by to ask me about my meal.
I told him it was disgusting and I couldn't eat it.
He took it away and returned a short while later with a doggy bag and the bill.
I explained how he had misunderstood me and that the omelette was the worst I'd ever had and I wanted nothing to do with it.
He said, "Well, it's free of charge then," spun on his heel, and launched the doggy bag over the bar into a waste receptacle. He clearly was not at all surprised by someone complaining about the food, and didn't seem to care one bit. A good server would have apologized and asked if there were anything that could be done to rectify the problem. He was not a good server.
He was, to his credit, a pretty good shot with a doggy bag.

There was nothing good about this experience. From start to finish the disappointment snowballed.



I do not recommend this place. 
Unless, of course, you like flavourless pig slop and a complacent wait staff. 

If so, you'll love Paul's.